That Missing Photo

(Please note - this piece was originally posted earlier today by the Religious Action Center for the series "Double Booked" about working parents and families.)

 

 

I have been following this series with great interest, curiosity and inspiration. Being asked to submit an entry reminded me that I too am a “working parent” – though that’s not usually how I describe myself among my roles as father, husband, rabbi, activist…And while finding affirmation in the words others have shared, I have found it difficult to articulate my own understanding of the challenges we working families face. It occurs to me: often we speak of work, family, career, volunteering, child-rearing, social life – and so much more – in terms of balance – as if it is possible to achieve (or magically summon) some state of mythic equilibrium in which all the many facets of our lives and selves synchronize flawlessly. Rather than balance, I have come to see that what we are blessed with is the opportunity, as Rabbi Irwin Kula suggests in the subtitle to his book Yearnings, to “embrace the sacred messiness of life.” He quotes his mother for the opening line: “When you’ve got an answer, it’s time to find better questions.” What a perfect Jewish response to life’s complexity!
How was I reminded of this wonderful perspective? When asked to contribute to this blog, one of the instructions was to supply a recent casual picture of the family along with the written piece. Sweet. When I mentioned this to my spouse Debra, her immediate reaction was “well, we don’t have one.” How is that possible, I asked myself, in this day of iPhones, Facebook and selfies – which all four of us definitely use? Then it struck: we’re a typical, over-busy bunch. Our son Ben is a high school freshman, with a full schedule of classes, school band, guitar lessons, extracurricular activities and hanging out with friends; daughter Vered’s time is taken up with homework, art club, French horn, and socializing as only immediate pre-B’nei Mitzvah kids can; Debra, a Jewish educator, is consumed with a variety of professional obligations, additional consulting, volunteer activities, and taking the majority of our carpooling responsibilities; as for me – beyond my congregational duties I am privileged to serve an assortment of local and national organizations. It’s not that Deb and I are a working couple; the four of us are today’s “working family.” As I write this, I’m somewhat surprised we recognize one another, never mind have time to take photos together.
So instead of searching for a level of stillness from the bustle that might be described as balance – I hope to better equip myself and my family not only to embrace life’s hectic pace, yet also to breathe deeply enough to truly enjoy the ride. Maybe we’ll take a few pictures along the way.