A spoonful of sugar

An older friend liked to teach, “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.” It was somewhat of a mantra for her, and it became one of the most profound jewels I’ve ever learned regarding playing nicely in the sandbox of human interaction. It’s somewhat of a more sophisticated version of Mary Poppins’ “spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.” This simple, elegant remark has informed my thinking about how to deal with others, respond to challenges, and even express my most emotionally hijacked concerns.

For me, the greatest calamity to befall American politics in the last decades has been the decline, or utter collapse, of civility in public discourse. I’m not speaking here of the debate by some about “political correctness” or “saying what’s on my mind” or “spouting the ugly truth” – though these notions are certainly at play. Rather, what distresses me is that the willful (and often nasty) use of demeaning, demonizing language has replaced thoughtful, intelligent, articulate dialogue – beyond the political arena, this has become true of sports, communal life, and perhaps its most complicit provocateur, the media. Vilification (and the ultimate desensitizing to its effects) has become de riguer to the children of this generation. This is sad for us all.

Yes, I wish I were in the position to call for a return to civility, a collective elevated sense of how we are supposed to engage one another, particularly when we disagree. I am hopeful that we as a society have not “jumped the shark,” never able to repair this broken part of our culture’s day-to-day reality. And even witnessing the awful behavior of so many during the current political season, I think that there are an overwhelming number of us who would prefer, insist, that better standards should guide us.

Last week’s Republican National Convention was a farce at best. Third-rate “celebrity” speakers regurgitating hateful, ill-informed (and often outright false) accusations to help foster fear in an ignorant electorate; self-righteous, narrow-minded elected officials and hopefuls cheering their own spate of bigotry; poor planning and execution by the conference organizers; all enough to wish for the time prior to reality TV. I cannot guarantee what might happen during the DNC which begins today; I remain mystified by the ongoing blathering of so-called “Bernie-of-Bust” people – if they hadn’t rendered themselves irrelevant by their actions so far, Senator Sanders’ support for Hillary Clinton’s candidacy concluded that last week. Yet I do remain ever expectant that we will see something far more civilized, more refined over these days ahead: as I look at the scheduled speakers, the rollout of Tim Kaine as running mate, at the *positive* perspective that the Democratic party and campaign have tried to muster – there may yet be a way that we will be, according to Lincoln, touched by the better angels of our nature.