2012: Challenges and Triumphs

CHALLENGES:

I turned 45 – Though I’ve never given much thought to the “importance” of the number associated with various birthdays, this one got me. For some reason, the several weeks leading up to May 6^th this year were really bothersome. Angst, anxiety, maybe even that mid-life mortality. Thankfully, it’s been great so far; I’ve got almost ½ of 45 left…hope it’s great;

The economy – well I guess nobody’s been left completely unaffected by the slackening of our economy over these last few years. And when DJS lost her position with the URJ – putting aside the many thoughts about the direction of our Reform movement – it ended up putting an unexpected dent in our economy. Like everyone else, we gotta deal with it.

Perspective – sometimes new information comes your way about long-held beliefs and truths that can shake your understanding of self, family and everything else.

Health – mine, thankfully, is fine, as it that of my immediate family. Yet I’ve witnessed too many of my friend, relatives, loved one suffer through the ups and downs of the health rollercoaster. Illness, injury, death – never fun.

TRIUMPHS:

Ben becomes Bar Mitzvah – almost  ‘nuff said. A monumental milestone in his life, and the life of our family – the pride I felt in the time of his preparation a year ago has only been surpassed by the real joy in watching him flourish even more so in the time since. Little Jazz is a great young guy; he’s bright and funny, and truly cares….cares about what or whom? You might ask….yes, cares about it all…

Vered blossoms – it must have been at some point in that period when I was fretting about my birthday, and we noticed something almost magical about Sister Soul. She simply bloomed like a (social) flower. Friends, school, camp, music, art, the kitties – you name it, she has grown exponentially in every conceivable way over the last many months. I can’t wait to see what happens next.

Temple – now in my seventh year with TBE – I have great, deep, wonderful, profound feelings for my community. Like anyone, I may doubt my career choices from time to time; there’s no doubting that I am fortunate to serve a loving congregation that will strive to be even more in this New Year.

Camp – clearly nothing is more important in what I do as a rabbi, nor what we do as a congregational movement, than afford the experience of Jewish summer camping for our children (and for those of us adults privileged to participate as well). No better building block of Jewish identity, self-esteem, and life-long relationships. The role I’ve been able to take on with my fellow faculty colleagues has been an honor – both taxing and tremendously uplifting.

20 years! Deb and I marked our twentieth anniversary a few days ago. And the usual platitudes apply: it’s been so long, yet feels like just yesterday; how did it fly so fast? can you believe we made it this long? I’m not old enough to be married 20 yrs, etc…Wow….all that and then some.

I turned 45 – forget what I said above. As dear ol’ dad likes to remind everyone, “It’s better than the alternative.” Hope you’ll join me for the next 45.

Needless to say, the triumphs far outnumbered and outweighed the challenges. Hope yours did too. More so, may 2013 be the best year yet, for us all.

YEMEI HA-CHANUKAH, pt. VIII: finale, this time around

Because I so enjoy the lightheartedness and fun of Hanukkah, I hate this last night of the holiday. You know, when it's basically *all over*. This week of lights has been full and fulfilling, with great joy and terrible sadness - a perfectly appropriate (and perhaps metaphoric) microcosm of the entirety of Jewish life.

This morning we tried to wrap our heads around and make sense of the tragic shooting at Sandy Hook school in Newtown, CT, as I'm sure many people all over the country tried to do. The great blessing was to address the issues surrounding this incident among a group of caring, intelligent, articulate, and feeling people.

This evening, we took the kids to see the Klezmatics at the DeBartolo Center at Notre Dame. I still think it's kinda funny that one of the most well-known and active Jewish bands would actually have a gig here in SB on the one Saturday evening during Hanukkah this year. It was a great show - wonderful musicianship and an upbeat mood was a great way to punctuate the holiday.

And then, arriving home, we remembered we didn't have enough candles to light the menorah (file under the category of "Hanukkah irony"). I pulled out the Shabbat candles, and the giant *chanukiah* they fit (which I think we got at Crate and Barrel a billion years ago)...and, voila, we kindled and blessed the lights for this final eve.

Miracles and stories recounted, candles lit and songs sung, latkes eaten, dreidels spun, it's nearly time to put Hanukkah 5773 in the container of sacred memories. Thankful for them all.

YEMEI HA-CHANUKAH, pt. VII: There are no words, and then...

At first, there are no words to capture the depth of tragedy, horror and sadness of today's shooting in Connecticut. SHOCK. SILENCE. TEARS.

And then, as the emotions roil over, the words emerge. Slowly, surely, even confidently and with hope:

Saddened, horified, devastated by the tragic events in CT today...can't even imagine what it is for those families and that community to undergo this destructive ordeal. Tonight, as we welcome Shabbat, and celebrate the 7th night of Hanukkah, may every one of us, no matter our background or beliefs, pause to truly consider how we can each be a bearer of light, goodness and compassion in our world which needs healing and love.

For the moment, put aside the coming arguments about gun control and the right to bear arms; don't over-analyze or psychologize those involved. There will be time for that. Now, just hurt, be sad, cry for the innocent lives that were taken today. Be human, be a mensch - tomorrow we'll fix the world.

YEMEI HA-CHANUKAH, pt. VI: a tin-full of memories

Perhaps even more significant than the famous Maxwell House Haggadah for Passover - which became one of the most significant American Jewish holiday tools of the 20th century - is the much less well-known, but similarly important "Maxwell House Coffee Tin Dreidel container." When I was young, and began collecting the dreidels I received at various family and Temple Hanukkah events, I asked for some sort of box or something in which to keep them. Trusty ol' dad (well, not so old back then of course!) ran down to the basement, and pulled out of a pile of stuff a wonderful, empty coffee can, lid and all.

I put those few dreidels in it, and over the years, as I got more at each Hanukkah celebration, the tin became fuller and fuller - and actually at one point *overflowed* so the cover no longer fit. And as I tip it over tonite, spilling the many tops on our kitchen table, I am reminded very visually of a host of Hanukkah eves gone by: the times spent with the chavurah to which our family belonged for a few years; the year we gave goodies, gifts and necessities to a newly-arrived Russian Jewish family (including a bunch of dreidels); the Hanukkah that began just after Grandma died; lighting the menorah the week of our wedding, and then years later at my nephew's Bar Mitzvah; the many Festival eves with Ben and Vered, and of course so many more.

May every turn of YOUR dreidel spin a new sacred memory.

YEMEI HA-CHANUKAH, pt. V: lighting it up with the kids

It's the 5th nite of Hanukkah. And it's Wednesday - which means we get to light up the menorah with our Religious School kids. Before the blessings and candles, I asked the students to tell me what they thought the significance of this night 5 means. They came up with great responses: "there are 5 days in the school week"; "there were 5 people in class today"; and, most touchingly (the more I've thought about it), "there are 5 fingers on each hand." Hmmmm...5 fingers...with which we can reach out to one another, embrace, hold up during times of blessing as well as challenge. A simple sweet idea for this otherwise uneventful night of joy.

YEMEI HA-CHANUKAH, pt. IV: the rollercoaster of life

Hanukkah is a lighthearted time of joyous celebration. And yet, even the uplift of this season cannot interfere with, or stop, the tide of life carrying on...

Today, I had the honor to officiate at the funeral of a dear long-time member of our congregational family. This was a difficult occasion for many, of course - but not because it was unexpected. Quite the opposite. This person had been such a remarkable long-term survivor of a variety of serious medical conditions, that her closest family and friends had simply come to understand that she would never die. Even when faced, as she was a host of times, with the most severe diagnoses, she always made it through. Of course, ultimately, everyone's time is limited...

So for this woman who was a loving and loved mother and grandmother, lifelong teacher and student, friend and companion - this afternoon's gathering was a beautiful tribute with reflections and anecdotes, highlighted by sweet, witty and carefully crafted offerings from her children - which I believe she would have greatly enjoyed.

We are reminded of yet another vital lesson from our tradition, even when experiencing the intermingled highs and lows of life, its simchas and sadnesses inseparable: to embrace the moment, every moment - as there's a big difference between *dying* and dead.

YEMEI HA-CHANUKAH pt. III: don't neglect the little things

Hanukkah is traditionally considered a "minor" holiday: it doesn't have major theological significance; it doesn't have the *weight* of religious rituals; it is not rooted in the Bible. It HAS become a major "to-do" for the American Jewish scene - as we've developed such nice customs, music, foods, and have used this occasion to enhance our commitment to creating a sense of joyful community.

And maybe that's just it. The *meaning* of this festival - usually connoted as being about historic Jewish independence, Jewish pride, standing up for who we are facing overwhelming odds against us, and so on - the meaning is really the reminder to appreciate the little things, the subtle things, that most of us usually take for granted.

The small words of support and kindness, the moments of understanding, sympathy, and embrace - THESE are the real gifts of Hanukkah (or any season). All of us are exposed, I know, more often than we'd like, to episodes of lousy treatment by others, disrespect and disregard even from our supposedly closest friends and colleagues. So to are all of us prone to act in such disingenuous, careless, perhaps horrific and derogatory ways toward those around us - though we might profess the horror of these offenses. 

Maybe the lesson of this Festival of Lights is that in order for us to each be a light of goodness and compassion in the world, first we must each lighten up, and remember that most of the issues that vex us are (as a friend calls them) "1st World problems", and mainly petty or insignificant after all. Once we recognize this very fact, perhaps we can stop blaming others for what annoys us, and learn to give thanks for all the good stuff we really have, and we really are.

YEMEI HA-CHANUKAH, pt. II: *Season* of Lights

Last night, for the first eve of Hanukkah, I dutifully made a big batch of latkes (which, by the way, for a guy who doesn't really like them, I make really well). After dinner, I left my big, trusty cast iron pan on the stove, with the last remnants of the oil in which we fried the potatoes.

And of course, I forgot about the pan overnight. Following a busy Sunday, I finally got back to the kitchen after 4 p.m. today. "OOPS! Gotta clean the pan!" With a little hot water and a quick wiping out, my beloved cast iron monster is in better condition than ever. Yes, these items are actually quite easy to maintain for a life-time of use. Yet (nes gadol hayah po) perhaps another miracle of Hanukkah oil occurred right here.

So - you ever need to season (or re-season) a good ol' cooking implement? Easy - just make some latkes.

CHAG SAMEYACH!

YEMEI HA-CHANUKAH, pt. I: Little Jazz about to turn 14

YEMEI HA-CHANUKAH CHANUKAT MIKDASHEINU

Thoughts for these days of Hanukkah 5773

Of all things I remember quite clearly a meeting of the CCAR I attended 14 years ago today. It was the monthly gathering for the New York area region of Reform rabbis - usually a handful to a dozen of us showed up at a given session, yet a few hundred joined together at HUC-JIR for a presentation on the current draft of "Principles of Reform Judaism" to be ratified at the coming spring Conference convention. And this is of course not why I recall that day.

After a lengthy morning discussion, Deb and I accompanied a senior colleague, Rabbi Norman Kahan, to lunch, walking together the many blocks from the College to a favorite middle eastern restaurant, Rectangles. A funny sight we must have made while making our way across the city: Norman, who's bad hip necessitated using a cane to assist his affected gait, and Deb who looked like she was 10 months pregnant.

Needless to say, Ben arrived the next day. There are those (like Deb) who believe that such extensive walking induces labor. And really, who's to argue?

Now with the onset of Hanukkah 5773/2012, so too do we look at celebrating Little Jazz turning 14. Hanukkah 1998 included our family gathering for his B'rit Milah; this time around should be less traumatic for all involved. May it yet be a time of being with loving family and friends.

CHAG URIM SAMEYACH - wishing you a Festival of Lights filled with peace, tasty goodies, and much love.

Bigotry, in all its forms, is intolerable

I'm proud that my kids have been exposed to anti-bigotry and anti-bullying programs in their school, at camp, and of course in our conversations at home. Part of the work of eradicating hatred is cultivating love, inclusiveness, and acceptance. This is a major part of our religious tradition, and of course a better element of the American heritage as well. And yet - beginning with what I heard from a friend at a birthday party over the weekend, and then amplified by a story on tonight's evening news:

 

Reports of hate-oriented graffiti/vandalism in Granger, IN.

As a rabbi in the local community, as president of our United Religious Community (the URC is our local interreligious organization, dedicated for more than 40 yrs. to building bridges of understanding and cooperation across religious and cultural lines), and more so as a concerned citizen, I call upon ALL good people everywhere to share that such intolerance and bigotry will never be condoned, and that any perpetrators of this kind of behavior will be held responsible for their actions. 

Please share this message, and stand up and speak out for justice, wherever you live.